Friday, November 11, 2005

Real Life V's Fiction

So, I've been looking after a Riding/Trekking Centre for friends of mine this last couple of weeks while they have a lovely HOT and SUNNY holiday in Egypt.... And I have to say I've met so many nice people who appreciated my teaching them that it kinda made me sit back and think....

Recently, I made one of the toughest decisions of my life to give up a Full Time job working at something I LOVE and with nicer people than you would believe, to write full time. I mean, I've wanted to write my whole life, it was the dream, you know?? All I wanted was to have a word processor (yes, its a very OLD dream), a place in the country, a cat and horses by my door. And possibly some sense of inner peace... Alright, the last one may still elude me on the odd day (particularly one week out of every four)...

But I also loved what I did every day and was completely petrified giving it up. So do we talk ourselves out of our dreams as we get older??? When does that happen I wonder? Does it start way back when we first catch our parents filling the stocking at the end of our bed or is a slower process where we just gradually let life grind away our dreams in favour of more sensible realities??? And the fact that I'm still the dreamer who wants to make it as a full time writer should therefore mean I'm unrealistic and not tough enough for the long haul??? Lordy I hope not!!!

Because even these last couple of weeks I have enjoyed teaching kids again I have realized that the dreamer in me is there every day in reality. Like seeing the smile on a kids face when they try something they had convinced themselves they couldn't do, thats pretty flippin' magical I think!!! But no matter how much I've enjoyed that I still know I've moved on from it. I know the teaching is there if I feel the need and I guess I know that I would never be unemployed (It takes a delivery van to deliver my CV nowadays) and I'm very lucky in that I live in a place where the cost of living is so low that I CAN take a chance on writing full time. But should I have stayed at what I was doing and let my dreams take a back shelf or was I right to throw it all to the wind and take a chance, possibly the biggest chance I've ever taken my whole life???

You gotta love the fact that life chucks these things at us every so often to make sure we're paying attention....

The thing with me is I'm a believer in 'Everything happens for a reason'.... That's the thing that took me out of my 'angry' twenties and to a calmer place where I could write and have the nerve to try for my dream in the first place.... If that makes sense?!

So do we let real life grind down our dreams over time?? Or do we kinda owe it to ourselves to have no regrets to look back on?? Mmmm... I'm very philosophical today aren't I? Sorry.

Meanwhile, as I come to the end of my two weeks living someone elses life I'm deeply aware of a sense of hope for my future. Its been a while since I've felt that and I'm gonna run with it while its here!!! For me it was a case of Real Life v's Fiction. Fiction won. But whether or not it will be a winner long term... well, we'll just have to wait and see....


Donna Alward said...

Recently I have had a job opportunity sort of "land" in my lap. THe problem - it's full time hours. Leaving me less time to write. And it becomes a "what do I want more" scenario. Our family can really use the money, but does that mean putting my dream aside?

Cuz I really don't want to do that. Deep inside I still know that when it comes down to it what I want is to be a published author. And to do that I need to write.

FWIW Trish I think you made the right, and brave choice.

allyblake said...

You've done the right thing Trish. I was in a similar boat when I sold my first book. I loooooved my 'real' job. Loved the girls I worked with who were all my best mates. It took me six torturous months to write my second book trying to do both.

And then one day I thought - one of these jobs is going to suffer. Which will I allow it to be? The job I enjoy, or the job I have hankered after my entire life?

It was an easy choice after that!