Thursday, February 16, 2006

Dragging my heels

So, this flippin ST- tentatively titled 'Fighting Fate' btw...! WHY can't I seem to summon the energy to finish it I ask myself??? I've loved this story for yonks, its characters speak to me, its a fairly original idea which I love (how many dead hero's and dying heroines are there I ask you?) and it's on the homeward stretch which is normally when I pick up speed...

I think what it is is fear. Plain and simple. I've had a pretty good run for a while now and the thought of trying something so completely new just scares the pants off me. What if everyone thinks it sucks? What if a story I love is rejected from place to place to place. And what if I try the whole agents game again and it's as much of a complete disaster as it was last time. Okay, so last time I tried it was a very naive attempt. I learnt from my mistakes and this time round I feel I'm better prepared. And I think the story is pretty original. But the first attempt at finding an agent stung. From a couple in particular. I mean, I know these people are busy and are as out to make money as the rest of the world but where I come from manners cost nothing. And the kind of people who were rude to JK Rowling must be self inflicting themselves with gaping wounds by now. (Not that I'm saying I'm her by any stretch of the imagination....) They can read the proposal and say no thanks and I'm fine with that - no problem - But the ones that took the time to write scathingly rude e-mails in reply just completely put me off the notion of wanting an agent at all...

But if I can't occassionally try my hand at the kind of story that calls me then what kind of writer am I? And I've wanted to write my whole life. But it's still scary...

Maybe I just need a good kick up the ass. Maybe I just need to be less of a hermit than I am at the minute. Heck, I don't know. But I can't seem to stop the heel dragging thing. Darn it.

And now I have proposals to put together for Modern Extra's - so I have to go look at some more pictures... Sigh. I wish the new books I've ordered from the line would get here so I can see how repressed I was/wasn't...

1 comment:

Donna Alward said...

Consider my foot up your ass.

You see this is where I've got one up on you. You SOLD your first book. Now I'm sure you've had proposals quashed since but you don't have the seasoned, "Thanks but no thanks" skin like those of us do who've been subbing and getting form rejections for YEARS. I think I would have rather done it your way, but you know you just have to adapt to the situation you're given. ;-)

Live on the edge. Greatest risks give the greatest rewards, babe. When a rejection hits me, I can't let it get me down for long. Instead I have to think about what this particular ms has taught me.

What has writing this ST taught you? How can you use that knowledge to be a better writer?

In the absence of sales, we have to look at the EXPERIENCE. So finish the damn thing already. You know you won't be sorry you did it.

I'll stop preaching now. :-)