Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Having a bad day

WARNING - DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF ALREADY DEPRESSED....

So... why is it that whenever you're working on a book is when everything else in your life goes belly up??

I've seen it a lot from the outside with other writer friends; kids take sick, they take sick, cars break down. Any one of a dozen small things that can take our mind of the romance we're trying to create...

This time last year I had injured my shoulder. Not just the teeny weeny muscle twinge type thing, but a full blown ripped spasming muscles and nerve end damage kinda thing. I was still working full time then and had a book due and I ended up out of work for three months, a month of that spent flat on my back AND did the flipping pineapple book at the same time. So am I getting it easier a year later?? Am I hell.

I have horses. Yes, I know a lot of you knew that. I have two of my own; Charlie and Katie. They are my surrogate children of sorts and no matter where else I go or what I do they are my priority. Charlie is my best friend, and I'm very lucky with him 'cos he's a hardy kinda chap and can take a lot; living outdoors, not being ridden in ages, he's a 'good do-er' so not hard to feed (Trust me on the latter). But Katie, who is a year younger than Charlie at eighteen, has been progressively getting older this last couple of years. She has a kind of seperation anxiety due to the fact that when I had a lot of horses, one by one they were all sold off and she saw her herd dwindle down to two; herself and Prince. Then Prince developed a conjested heart and was taken from her to be put down. She mourned. I swear, she did. She pined for weeks and dropped weight, and even now, two and a bit odd years later if she is taken away from other horses she goes loopy; whinnies her head off and gets all sweated up in a panic. It's just further proof to me of how intellgent they are and you've only to look into their eyes to know.

But now Katie is sick too. And I have a VERY tough decision to make. The vet saw her today and there's a very real chance she has cancer. I think I've known in my own mind for sometime that thats the way she was going. But when she's standing there with a bright face over the door, eating and poo-ing and quite happy with the world it is just so tough to make that decision, you know? It's like murder. Of course I don't want to see her suffer, and if it is cancer then I really won't have a choice. But it still doesn't make it any easier. How do you decide when is the *right* time? To make matters worse, the law here states that animals cannot be buried on your own land. Which means she either has to be put down here and *collected* by someone approved or she has to make the final trip that Prince did to be put down somewhere strange. It's just horrific to me. Maybe I'm just too close to them and therefore see them as too human. But to have her at home with some sort of a small stone would be a comfort to *me*, you know?? I'm having a bad day folks. REALLY.

Really actually don't need an outside world when I'm writing...

5 comments:

Donna Alward said...

Trish I'm so sorry....that isn't what you wanted to hear I know.

Perhaps *if* it's the right time, and you can't keep her there, maybe you can put up your own little memorial for her on your land. It wouldn't be quite the same, but it might help you a little bit to feel connected.

We had our family pup from the time I was 5. When I was 18 he got cancer. My sis is a vet and so she amputated the leg. But a year later it came back and we just couldn't put him through it, you know? It was hard but we did it together...and I'm so glad we let him go before he got too sick.

Big hugs for whatever the verdict is and whatever you decide.

Kate Walker said...

Oh Trish - I feel for you. I've been there with animal friends - though only sall ones - cats. And I know how hard it is to make that decision and yet how you know it your heart that you are helping someone dear to you avoid more suffering that they would have to endure. Poor you - but alway remember Katie will not know what's coming. It's you who suffers through knowing that.

Given a choice, I would always want my animal friends stay in the place they know as home till the very last even if that then means I have to make other arrangements when they've gone over the Rainbow bridge. That would be my decision - to make it as easy for them as possible.

The right time will be when you know you have to make sure Katie doesn't suffer anything - and if you see her start to go downhill, you'll know you're doing a kindness, the greatest kindness we can do for these lovely creatures that share our lives.

Hugs to you on the tough day. Yes, we don't need an outside world when we're writing - but then again there is the mercy of the fact that we can escape into it and spend some time away from the real nasties.

Thinking of you

Kate

Michelle Styles said...

((Trish)) How awful.
Can Katie be cremated? I had friends do this with their much loved dog. Jackson's ashes are now scattered in their garden.
I think it always has to be a quality of life decision. As long the pet is not in pain... I do think as an owner, you know when the time has come.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

allyblake said...

Trish, I'm soooo sorry to hear Katie is sick. Times like this the writing intrudes on real life not the other way, I promise you.

Give yourself some quality time with her and she'll tell you what she wants.

Sending you both gret hugs from too many miles away.

Trish said...

Guys thankyou so much for all your lovely posts. It warmed my heart that you all thought to leave such thoughtful comments and your words helped me through a tough couple o days!! I'm so thankful to have so many good friends all around the world.

And you're so right. It is about the quality of life. Right now, although she had a rough night, she is settled and eating and looking over her door to see whats happening. And while we wait to hear the Vets results I don't think I can ask or much more. But if she's miserable and in pain I really won't have a choice to make. She's relying on me to look after her as I have since I got her and I have to live up to that responsibility.

You are all wonderful, thoughtful, caring people and I'm very glad you're *out there*.

xxx